Welcome, marketing professionals, ad agency folks and people with something to say. Do any of these sound familiar?

• The client just torpedoed your lead ad. He wants something "clever" by tomorrow.
• Your senior writer laughed when you brought up the script deadline for that new radio spot.
• Yesterday's strategic brainstorm session left you with a pile of fresh turds and no one to polish them.
• Your creative A-team went into the meeting with a killer web idea. They came out with Internet road kill.
• Your Hot Copy project list is now molten lava.

If your current reality has your tagline in a sling, give me a holler. I have a quick mind and a lightning speed laptop ready to come to your aid.